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OOC ::Snerk:: This had me laughing so hard.   
06:47pm 08/04/2008
 
mood: amused
A Villian's Guide to Dealing with Lieutenant Horatio Caine

1) Do not talk to Lieutenant Caine. Period.

2) If you see the Lieutenant, fucking kill him. There is no practical purpose to keeping him alive. He will not help you with your incredibly intricate scheme. He will in fact do the exact goddamn opposite. Just kill him as soon as he says, "I'm Lieutenant Horatio caine," which he always does.

3) Do not attempt to use the Lieutenant's companions/team members/loved ones/anyone-he-happens-to-be-standing-next-to as bait. Do not kill the Lieutenant's companions/team members/loved ones/anyone-he-happens-to-be-standing-next-to until you've killed the Lieutenant. Relaxed and happy Horatio Caine is easy to aim at, then kill. Pissed off vengeful Horatio Caine will fuck you up beyond all comprehension.

4) I mean it, don't talk to the fucker. Seriously.

5) If you find information about the Lieutenant, his companions/team members/loved ones/anyone-he-happens-to-be-standing-next-to, bury it in concrete, throw it into a sun, or best yet, dump it into a black hole. You will never figure out how to use it against him. You will not be able to exploit it's importance to him. If the Lieutenant isn't dead yet (Why haven't you killed him yet?), then your only chance to survive until he shows himself is to make the information completely inaccessable. And no, two of your idiot minion guards guarding it won't work. Get rid of the goddamn thing.

6) Depending on how the Lieutenant's day has gone thus far, you will need anywhere from one to thirteen bullets to kill him. Bring three hundred, just in case.

7) What the fuck did I just say about not talking to the Lieutenant?

8) If the Lieutenant pulls out his gun before you can kill him, run like a motherfucker (preferrably in a serpentine fashion) and don't look back. Consider your plans already foiled, find some backwater island to rebuild, and hope you don't run into him again.

9) Never try to kill the Lieutenant. Never, ever, ever lay a trap for the Lieutenant. He will find it, he will get out of it, and then he will find you. Your best method to kill him is to do something evil completely unrelated to the Lieutenant. He may or may not show up. If he shows up, he will say, "Hello, I'm Lieutenant Horatio Caine." Then you goddamn shoot him.

10) DO NOT TALK TO FUCKING LIEUTENANT HORATIO CAINE, YOU IDIOT.		  
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Maxine Valera's Journal: Entry #3   
09:22pm 03/04/2008
 
mood: scared
music: Things can only get better... Howard Jones
I should have told Frank about the threat from Devon Black. I should have told Horatio before I left. It was on the tip of my tongue, and still I couldn't bring myself to say it. I've never heard of Calleigh or Natalia having threats made against them like this.

Still, I should have said something. I might leave them a voice mail after I get back from visiting Greg in the hospital.

I'm scared. It's more than the "first case" jitters, too. It wouldn't have been so bad if Eric or Ryan were with me. I know I've only worked with them--really worked side by side with them, I mean--for a matter of days, but I've learned to trust them and their instincts completely.

I feel like I'm fumbling around in the dark like a six year old, with real monsters that wear Devon Black and Michael Belko's faces poking at me. My only guiding light is this Ellens case, and the knowledge that I can't make myself turn away from it.		  
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Maxine Valera's Journal: Entry #2   
10:10pm 31/03/2008
 
mood: frustrated
music: Burn... Alkaline Trio
I simply refuse to let this case go cold. I need to work it. I need to close it. I'll never call a case "solved," because there really is no way to solve death. There is no way to solve pain. But you can put a closure on the events that lead up to that.

I made a few calls yesterday. It turns out that Dean Evans, the missing son, spent some time in New York during his Spring Break before returning to party on South Beach. I'm going to follow up on that. I just don't know if I can tell that to Eric and Ryan. It's obvious something is seriously wrong with this case in reference to them and this Officer Black. I can't help but feel in the way.

So I'm going to talk to the Lieutenant and see what can be done about this new development, if anything. Worse comes to worse, he'll order me back to my lab or hand the case off to someone up there.		  
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Maxine Valera's Journal: Entry #1   
08:49pm 30/03/2008
 
mood: worried
music: Long Long Way to Go... Phil Collins
( Turn the page... )		  
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02:20pm 25/03/2008
  Test post.  
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lady_valera
 
 

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